Real Comfort

So here I am … sitting on a plane next to my son who has been sleeping in his car seat for the past several hours. On the other side of him, my wife looks rather uncomfortable, yet she has been able to sleep for a couple of hours as well. I have to admit, part of me envies the two of them. How I wish I could get some sleep on this plane. Without it, jetlag is going to be a real pain, but for some reason sleep simply won’t come.

It’s funny. Normally, I can’t help but fall asleep on planes. I’m the one who could even sleep on the short 18 minute commuter flight between Atlanta and Chattanooga. Not tonight. Tonight is different. Tonight, I am struggling with the idea that my life is in the midst of a great deal of flux. Tonight I am struggling with the idea that as of the end of this flight, I no longer call America my home. Tonight I am struggling with the fact that I am now a grad student at Oxford. Tonight I am struggling with the fact that I have no clue how I will afford this place … or, for that matter, how I will be able to provide for my family. Tonight, I am scared.

It’s not easy for me to admit that. I’m supposed to be the rock of the family. I’m supposed to be the spiritual leader. I’m supposed to be “the smart one.” And here I am scared enough that I can’t sleep at 11:15 Central Time … that’s 5:15 AM Oxford Time.

And then … on my MP3 player a familiar voice begins to sing. It’s beautiful … even though I am tone deaf, I can tell. Besides, everyone else has also said how beautiful my wife’s voice is (if you haven’t heard it, you should!), and some of that “everyone else” includes some very talented professional musicians. But tonight, it’s not the voice that I am listening to … although, there is great comfort in that voice! Tonight, I am listening to the song …

Holy, Holy

Holy is the Lord God almighty

And there is the comfort I need. I do not find that comfort in answers. I do not find that comfort in someone showing me money in my bank account (although, come on … that would be GREAT!). I do not find comfort in someone handing me a diploma or even in showing me the future. No. I find comfort in the fact that the Lord God Almighty is Holy.

Let me be honest. That comfort does not take away the fear. That comfort does not dry the tears or help me to miss my dog (Nemo … he’s a GREAT Jack Russell Terrier) any less. As a side note … the first time I cried when we left today was when I had to say goodbye to Nemo. I miss him. … That comfort does not mean the pain or unknowns are mitigated, but it does remind me that through all that the Holy Lord God remains Almighty. And it’s nice to know that regardless of how large or small my problems are or seem, He remains Holy Lord God Almighty, worthy to be praised.

Now that’s comfort!